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libraryofbabelH: The judgment's just for flavor, in the end. I can't really fuss about people voting for mine.
A: I certainly can! No being that is itself subject to judgement has any right to cast judgement upon any other with any measure of authority, imagined or otherwise! For anyone to believe you have committed some atrocity and that an end must be put to it whether through violence or condemnation is one thing, but to demand or advocate for punishment for the sake of what is "moral" or "just" is itself an atrocity!
H: You know, both Iris and Sam—the other one who was here as a guest—they were so shocked I had any kind of love life.
A: I can't imagine it was very much of a focus for you during the time you spent with them, was it?
H: I don't remember all of it, but—no, not at all. I thought I could table that issue until everything else was in much better shape. It wasn't really necessary.
H: ...I suppose, too, that I thought that if I was going to give my successors hope, then I ought to show confidence about the way I lived.
A: "Show". You didn't have that confidence in reality, then?
H: ...well, it felt like a silly thing to be afraid of.
A: Fear is never silly, Miaoshan. It is nothing more or less than a measure of one's love of life.
H: ...I suppose I never thought about it that way.
A: The perspective of a beast is occasionally a salient one.
H: I'd say a far bit more than "occasionally." Maybe I always just thought of it as wanting to keep fighting, but...
A: But?
H: ...I wonder, is self-preservation really a virtue, in a creature like me. But on the other hand, to hear you talk about wanting to survive—I was glad.
A: Well, if you can forgive a beast like me for wanting to live then surely you can forgive a monster like yourself for the same!
H: ...I suppose I can't argue with that.
A: I know.
H: I'm still half-tempted to argue on principle, though.
A: You'd lose.
H: See, I don't even believe the opposite side and now I'm feeling compelled regardless due to who I am as a person who likes winning, so please distract me before I get going—
A: Oh, but I like seeing you win!
H: I can't believe I found someone who wants to listen to me debate fiddly and mildly depressing philosophical topics. Though if I am getting into it, I'm fair certain I chose this for myself. I don't know if that can be forgiven, and at the time I think I didn't care so long as it achieved my ends.
A: It didn't really seem to me that you chose it.
H: ...I think later I did. And Iris isn't just... an adopted daughter of sorts, but I made her like me. Because she asked, but—I wonder now if that was the right choice.
A: Acceptance that something irreversible has been forced on you is not choosing it, Miaoshan.
H: ...at some point I left. Escaped? Killed him? I don't know.
H: But shortly after that time I remember still being mortal, and fully possessed of my own wits again. Rather—mortal strength only goes so far when you've committed your life to fighting monsters. I remember thinking—isn't that worth more than my immortal soul, or the blessings of a mortal life? Being able to fight?
A: Mm. Three things.
A: One, to live is to fight and to fight is to live. Two, does your god not place upon your the duty of leaving the world a better place than you entered it, the same as mine?
A: Three, why is it that you felt the need to fight monsters in the first place?
H: ...because there was no other option.
A: So it wasn't a choice.
H: At least not in a way that I could bear. Technically, there were other things that I could have done; I cannot see myself having chosen any of them.
H: ...if there's no choice, can it still be right to do? Can it be wrong?
A: Insofar as it is possible to do harm when one does not have a choice, which is the only standard one can consider something to be right or wrong, yes. But why should the fault of something that was done because some other entity created a situation in which it must or likely would be fall on the shoulders of those who already have to bear the guilt?
H: You know, I still prefer this conversation to actually engaging with what’s going on outside. …I just can’t stand the idea that it changed me in such an indelible way.
A: We can stop, if you'd like. In truth, my initial statement was supposed to be more of a romantic joke, though this conversation has turned out to be anything but.
A: ...Though - I must say that having lacked a choice at some point in the past is not the same as lacking a choice for the entirety of one's future. An injury does not heal instantly, and one cannot function as they normally would without that injury, but good care and faith and time heal all wounds. And even after - the scars fade, too. Or, if you prefer, think that being funneled onto a path does not dictate how one travels it, only that they must until they come across a fork in the road.
[ This particular page is covered in marginalia, mostly in the form of black ballpoint pen underlining phrases emphatically and writing exclamation points. There is at least one "yeah!!!" ]
A: I would not be subjected to nor would I subject others to compulsion. The person who I love the most would rather die than ever face that horror again, as would most of my pack.
A: I would rather drench my own claws in Miaoshan's blood as well as the blood of every single member of my pack than force or compel any one of them to engage in any form of physical intimacy with me, nor even entertain a situation in which their minds have been altered in any way that makes them more amenable to doing so even when they would not otherwise wish to or would not enjoy it as much as they have been made to, nor even place them in a situation in which the only escape is physical intimacy until an outside power has decided they have had enough entertainment. I would rather tear out the throats of every single living creature in this plane, tear their bodies asunder, and feast on their hearts as communion to Luna rather than even entertain the idea that it may be preferable to choose even a momentary loss of one's self, intentions, will, or freedom over risk to life and limb. I would rather tip all that has ever been into the depths of Oblivion itself than see any living creature under any power than its own, and all of my thousands of years have been dedicated to tearing down the thrones of any tyrant who would say otherwise. Given the choice between mistletoe and beastliness I would choose to attack and maul and hurt and kill those who have placed that choice upon my shoulders, but failing that I would choose beastliness and revel in the pain of all those who fall victim to me, because I know that torture and death are mercies when compared to a world where it is acceptable for any being to change the shape of any other's soul.
A: If the hunt is tyranny, then to exist as we do now is tyranny. Life is a tyrant, and death and rebirth are its judicator and prison. I did once believe such a thing - until recently, in fact. That is why I sought Oblivion and believed its embrace to be a mercy that all must be given.
A: I believe that everyone can agree it is for the better that I have come to think otherwise. No, I do not believe the necessities of life constitute an act of tyranny, except insofar as to grant life to a thing is in the first place to impose yourself and existence onto it. Life is a tyranny all its own, but we are all nonetheless living it, so that one day we may find a way to make it less so. Eventually all tyrants will fall, even the ones that granted us our souls in the first place, and Luna willing that fall will not be accompanied by the destruction of all that is, was, and ever will be.
A: But to ensure that comes to pass, we must all do our part and break all chains and slip all collars that are placed upon us by those we can fight and those processes which in our time are not inevitable. For all else, we run and we die and if we have done it right then we leave Creation a better place than we entered it so that those who come after may one day cast off the greatest burden to have been placed upon all of us and we find ourselves in the Creation that Our Lady loved. I believe that Miaoshan and others of her faith call such a place "Heaven".
A: I certainly can! No being that is itself subject to judgement has any right to cast judgement upon any other with any measure of authority, imagined or otherwise! For anyone to believe you have committed some atrocity and that an end must be put to it whether through violence or condemnation is one thing, but to demand or advocate for punishment for the sake of what is "moral" or "just" is itself an atrocity!
H: You know, both Iris and Sam—the other one who was here as a guest—they were so shocked I had any kind of love life.
A: I can't imagine it was very much of a focus for you during the time you spent with them, was it?
H: I don't remember all of it, but—no, not at all. I thought I could table that issue until everything else was in much better shape. It wasn't really necessary.
H: ...I suppose, too, that I thought that if I was going to give my successors hope, then I ought to show confidence about the way I lived.
A: "Show". You didn't have that confidence in reality, then?
H: ...well, it felt like a silly thing to be afraid of.
A: Fear is never silly, Miaoshan. It is nothing more or less than a measure of one's love of life.
H: ...I suppose I never thought about it that way.
A: The perspective of a beast is occasionally a salient one.
H: I'd say a far bit more than "occasionally." Maybe I always just thought of it as wanting to keep fighting, but...
A: But?
H: ...I wonder, is self-preservation really a virtue, in a creature like me. But on the other hand, to hear you talk about wanting to survive—I was glad.
A: Well, if you can forgive a beast like me for wanting to live then surely you can forgive a monster like yourself for the same!
H: ...I suppose I can't argue with that.
A: I know.
H: I'm still half-tempted to argue on principle, though.
A: You'd lose.
H: See, I don't even believe the opposite side and now I'm feeling compelled regardless due to who I am as a person who likes winning, so please distract me before I get going—
A: Oh, but I like seeing you win!
H: I can't believe I found someone who wants to listen to me debate fiddly and mildly depressing philosophical topics. Though if I am getting into it, I'm fair certain I chose this for myself. I don't know if that can be forgiven, and at the time I think I didn't care so long as it achieved my ends.
A: It didn't really seem to me that you chose it.
H: ...I think later I did. And Iris isn't just... an adopted daughter of sorts, but I made her like me. Because she asked, but—I wonder now if that was the right choice.
A: Acceptance that something irreversible has been forced on you is not choosing it, Miaoshan.
H: ...at some point I left. Escaped? Killed him? I don't know.
H: But shortly after that time I remember still being mortal, and fully possessed of my own wits again. Rather—mortal strength only goes so far when you've committed your life to fighting monsters. I remember thinking—isn't that worth more than my immortal soul, or the blessings of a mortal life? Being able to fight?
A: Mm. Three things.
A: One, to live is to fight and to fight is to live. Two, does your god not place upon your the duty of leaving the world a better place than you entered it, the same as mine?
A: Three, why is it that you felt the need to fight monsters in the first place?
H: ...because there was no other option.
A: So it wasn't a choice.
H: At least not in a way that I could bear. Technically, there were other things that I could have done; I cannot see myself having chosen any of them.
H: ...if there's no choice, can it still be right to do? Can it be wrong?
A: Insofar as it is possible to do harm when one does not have a choice, which is the only standard one can consider something to be right or wrong, yes. But why should the fault of something that was done because some other entity created a situation in which it must or likely would be fall on the shoulders of those who already have to bear the guilt?
H: You know, I still prefer this conversation to actually engaging with what’s going on outside. …I just can’t stand the idea that it changed me in such an indelible way.
A: We can stop, if you'd like. In truth, my initial statement was supposed to be more of a romantic joke, though this conversation has turned out to be anything but.
A: ...Though - I must say that having lacked a choice at some point in the past is not the same as lacking a choice for the entirety of one's future. An injury does not heal instantly, and one cannot function as they normally would without that injury, but good care and faith and time heal all wounds. And even after - the scars fade, too. Or, if you prefer, think that being funneled onto a path does not dictate how one travels it, only that they must until they come across a fork in the road.
[ This particular page is covered in marginalia, mostly in the form of black ballpoint pen underlining phrases emphatically and writing exclamation points. There is at least one "yeah!!!" ]
A: I would not be subjected to nor would I subject others to compulsion. The person who I love the most would rather die than ever face that horror again, as would most of my pack.
A: I would rather drench my own claws in Miaoshan's blood as well as the blood of every single member of my pack than force or compel any one of them to engage in any form of physical intimacy with me, nor even entertain a situation in which their minds have been altered in any way that makes them more amenable to doing so even when they would not otherwise wish to or would not enjoy it as much as they have been made to, nor even place them in a situation in which the only escape is physical intimacy until an outside power has decided they have had enough entertainment. I would rather tear out the throats of every single living creature in this plane, tear their bodies asunder, and feast on their hearts as communion to Luna rather than even entertain the idea that it may be preferable to choose even a momentary loss of one's self, intentions, will, or freedom over risk to life and limb. I would rather tip all that has ever been into the depths of Oblivion itself than see any living creature under any power than its own, and all of my thousands of years have been dedicated to tearing down the thrones of any tyrant who would say otherwise. Given the choice between mistletoe and beastliness I would choose to attack and maul and hurt and kill those who have placed that choice upon my shoulders, but failing that I would choose beastliness and revel in the pain of all those who fall victim to me, because I know that torture and death are mercies when compared to a world where it is acceptable for any being to change the shape of any other's soul.
A: If the hunt is tyranny, then to exist as we do now is tyranny. Life is a tyrant, and death and rebirth are its judicator and prison. I did once believe such a thing - until recently, in fact. That is why I sought Oblivion and believed its embrace to be a mercy that all must be given.
A: I believe that everyone can agree it is for the better that I have come to think otherwise. No, I do not believe the necessities of life constitute an act of tyranny, except insofar as to grant life to a thing is in the first place to impose yourself and existence onto it. Life is a tyranny all its own, but we are all nonetheless living it, so that one day we may find a way to make it less so. Eventually all tyrants will fall, even the ones that granted us our souls in the first place, and Luna willing that fall will not be accompanied by the destruction of all that is, was, and ever will be.
A: But to ensure that comes to pass, we must all do our part and break all chains and slip all collars that are placed upon us by those we can fight and those processes which in our time are not inevitable. For all else, we run and we die and if we have done it right then we leave Creation a better place than we entered it so that those who come after may one day cast off the greatest burden to have been placed upon all of us and we find ourselves in the Creation that Our Lady loved. I believe that Miaoshan and others of her faith call such a place "Heaven".